


Kids Ask Spider-Man Difficult Questions| BBC Radio 1

by Jenniboo311



Series: Social Butterfly Spidey [12]
Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Aged-Up Peter Parker, BBC Radio 1, Dev & Alice, Gen, Humor, Internet, Interview, Kids Ask, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Spider-Man: Far From Home Compliant, Social Media, Video, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:35:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23706247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenniboo311/pseuds/Jenniboo311
Summary: "We have the most precocious, overconfident kids the UK has to offer to ask the type of questions that we wouldn't be allowed to," the male host explains to Spider-Man, now revealed to be sitting across the table in front of a microphone, in his iconic red and blue suit with a pair of chunky headphones mashed onto his mask covered head. A block of text appears in the lower left of the screen, identifying the hosts to be named Dev and Alice."And," Alice pipes in cheerfully, "If you refuse to answer a question-""-it basically means you hate children."
Series: Social Butterfly Spidey [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1484537
Comments: 76
Kudos: 621
Collections: Peter Parker's Tales





	Kids Ask Spider-Man Difficult Questions| BBC Radio 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I meant to have this out weeks ago but then Animal Crossing happened. Sorry? lol
> 
> I'm not really sure how I feel about it. After I read back through I kinda feel it strayed a bit too far from the funny into the serious. Oh well, I don't have the motivation to change it. Here it is anyway.
> 
> While Peter's age is never specified, I consider him aged up to probably his early twenties, and is a mix of MCU-Spidey and PS4-Spidey. Endgame and Far From Home didn't happen, and Civil War magically ended with everyone as friends again.

"One," echoes a woman's voice as the logo for BBC Radio 1 appears on screen before fading to reveal the two hosts for the interview. A man and a woman each sit in front of microphones with large headphones on their head.

The woman, who has shiny red hair in a bun and is wearing a red and black striped sweater, turns to her co host and says, in a British accent, "I can't believe this is happening right now! Is this real?"

The man, who has curly black hair, a goatee, and is wearing a grey sweater, grins at her and responds in a British accent, "There is a literal superhero sitting across from us right now."

"Pinch me," she jokes and yelps when he doesn't hesitate to actually pinch her. She sends him a heated glare while rubbing her arm. He grins unrepentant.

"We got a bunch of kids to ask Spider-Man questions," reads in black text across the screen.

"We have the most precocious, overconfident kids the UK has to offer to ask the type of questions that we wouldn't be allowed to," the male host explains to Spider-Man, now revealed to be sitting across the table in front of a microphone, in his iconic red and blue suit with a pair of chunky headphones mashed onto his mask covered head. A block of text appears in the lower left of the screen, identifying the hosts to be named Dev and Alice.

"I don't know why everyone freaks out when they meet me," he says, looking slightly bewildered. "I'm a grown man who swings about New York in spandex." He plucks at the chest of his suit in demonstration. "It's not like I'm Elvis, or something. Fame is weird."

The hosts laugh and Alice takes a moment to try to dial back her fangirling.

"Uh, no, you're awesome. Agree to disagree," Dev immediately retorts before getting back on track. "So basically if Alice or I tried to ask any of these questions, we would get shut down immediately," Dev explains, gesturing decisively with his right hand.

"Right," Spider-Man nods, "But you've found a loophole. Because they're kids and you can't be mean and shut down children."

"Exactly," Dev agrees.

"And," Alice pipes in cheerfully, "If you refuse to answer a question-"

"-it basically means you hate children," they both finish gleefully in unison, obviously something they relish saying in every interview.

The vigilante snorts and hangs his head in defeat.

"Whose bright idea was this particular interview, again?" He asks, giving a critical side eye look off camera to presumably whoever accompanied him to the interview.

The hosts laugh and Spider-Man regards them, his eye lenses squinting in amusement as the fabric around his mouth twitches with a hidden grin.

"Bring it on, I guess," Spider-Man says with a shrug. "Hopefully my wholesome reputation is still intact when this is over."

"Oh bless," Dev laughingly patronizes him, "I think that ship sailed on the thirst tweet video you did recently."

Alice nods and points at Dev in agreement.

"Oh, c'mon!" The hero protests, "Yeah, I knew that interview was a bad idea. I'll never live that down."

They laugh and Alice smoothly interjects, "Let's check out our first question."

"My name is Daniel and I am nine years old," a young boy's voice narrates over a clip of an arm drawing a rudimentary house on a chalkboard with a tree and clouds overhead. In the top right corner it displays the child's name and age.

"I have two baby brothers and my question for you is have you ever stolen anything and not told anybody about it?"

"Oooh!" Alice perks up immediately, hoping for some juicy gossip.

Spider-Man's eye lenses widen comically and he scratches the back of his neck uneasily.

"Yes, do tell. Is Spider-Man really as much of a menace as certain people in the media would have us believe?" Dev goads with a devilish grin.

The vigilante clears his throat and chuckles uneasily. "Uhh, well, as the kids these days say, 'Damn, Daniel'." The swear is promptly bleeped out for the benefit of any young kids watching but the hosts titter in amusement. "Really putting me on the spot right out of the gate, hey?"

"I'm thinking his prevaricating is telling us what we need to know," Alice jokes with a sly grin, "He sounds a bit guilty, don't you think?"

"I'm thinking you are correct," Dev grins back. "And don't forget, you can't lie or skip the question or else you hate children."

"-or else I hate children. Right," Spidey echoes wanly.

"Uhh," he continues to stall until he gulps audibly and attempts to answer. "Well, Daniel, thank you so much for your question. That's pretty cool that you have two baby brothers. I always kinda wanted siblings but unfortunately I'm an only child." He fidgets for a minute and taps his fingers on the table. "Um, unfortunately I have indeed stolen something and never told anyone about it. I'm not proud of it, but there you go. Be better than Spider-Man, Daniel. Stealing is never okay."

"I can't believe this! My hopes and dreams have been shattered!" Alice dramatically exclaims, throwing her arms in the air.

"Oh, come on!" Dev yells over his co host, pointing at the arachnid, "You're not getting away with that! You have to explain! What did you steal?"

Spider-Man huffs a great sigh and smashes his head down onto the table with a dull thunk.

"Spidey!" Alice says mournfully.

"Alright," the vigilante groans and sits upright. "Okay, so I was young. Not super young, but young. Old enough to know it was wrong. Anyway, the family I was living with hadn't ever expected having another mouth to feed, and had been doing all they could for a long while, but eventually they started to struggle. Like, sometimes they would make me dinner and one or both of them would sometimes say they weren't really hungry so they'd skip the meal. It probably would have fooled most kids my age but I'd always been pretty bright, unfortunately for them. I could hear their stomachs groan in hunger. They were sacrificing their food to feed me."

"Oh," Alice quietly breathes.

"They started quietly selling and pawning what they could to make ends meet. Eventually my mother-figure had to pawn her necklace, which was the last thing she had of her late mother. It meant the world to her. I heard her cry herself to sleep for a week. They'd never be able to get enough money to buy it back before someone else eventually bought it, so I snuck into the shop and stole it back when the owner was distracted with a customer. No idea if he ever even noticed it was missing, not that that makes it right. I returned it to my relative and told her I had won first place at a science fair at school and the prize was money, which I used to buy it back for her. I did, in fact, win the fair so the ribbon was an easy way to corroborate my story but, I mean, I was a kid. The prize wasn't money, especially that kind of money. I got a pack of pencils and a dinosaur-shaped eraser. She didn't question me too hard about it, maybe she was just too grateful to have her necklace back. She never suspected I stole it though, I'm just not that kind of person. It ate at me, though. A few years later when I was old enough to start making a bit of money repairing people's Stark phones I saved up every penny I got and went back to the shop. I browsed around and pretended to find money on the floor and gave it to the owner, saying he must have dropped it. He put it in his cash register and I walked out of there and considered it finished. So, that's that. The story of how Spider-Man committed petty theft and never told a single soul until right now."

"I was not expecting this interview to cut so deep so quickly," Dev chokes out, looking a little bug-eyed.

"Totally," Alice agrees, "But I've just gotta say, it's totally Spidey to go back even years later and try to make it right. You restored my faith in you, Spidey. I'm still a fan." She beams at him.

"Oh good," Spider-Man jokes, trying to lighten the mood, "I was worried I was about to get blacklisted or something."

"I mean it's still early in the interview," Dev retorts, to which Alice snorts and smacks him on the arm. "But forget that, you realize that she'll know now? Unless she doesn't know who you are. Does she know you're Spider-Man?"

"Ohhhhh noooo," Spider-Man moans, putting his face in his hands. "You're right, I can't believe I didn't think about that. She does know. She didn't always know but she knows now. She found out a while back. Oh, she's going to kill me. She'll probably cry, and then she'll kill me. Or worse, she'll say she's not mad, she's 'just disappointed'."

"Oooh," Dev grimaces in sympathy.

"Yeah, that's the kiss of death right there," Spidey agrees, reluctantly chuckling. "I'm a dead man walking."

"Hi Spidey, it's James from Stafford and you are my favorite superhero." A young boy's adorable voice says over the clip of the chalkboard drawing.

"Aww," the hero coos, clutching his heart. "I'm a fan of you too, buddy."

"Do you have a favorite pair of underpants, and if so do you ever sometimes wear them two days in a row like my dad?"

Spider-Man laughs loudly, "What?! Where did that come from?"

The hosts join in on the laughter.

"We love you Spider-Man," Dev imitates in a high pitched voice, "Tell me about your favorite underpants!"

"Oh man, coming completely out of left field!" Spidey exclaims.

"That first bit was just to lull you into a false sense of security," Alice explains.

"Ohhhhh, right. Yes, I see. Well done, James. As a matter of fact, I do have a favorite pair of underpants."

"Go on," Alice says, intrigued and trying to hold back her laughter.

Spider-Man shifts in his chair to get more comfortable. "I've said this before, but back when I first met Tony Stark I was pretty young. He started calling me, 'Underoos', because my costume at that time was basically nothing but sweatpants and a hoodie and I was pretty green around the gills compared to other superheroes. I guess he thought that was a pretty clever nickname. Anyway, over the years we developed a close relationship and started exchanging gifts for notable occasions and, being a bit of a brat even as a grown man, I bought him a pair of Iron Man boxers for his birthday. He laughed at them and still claims to wear them to this day. Tony, being who he is, couldn't leave that alone and had to retaliate in kind. Keeping in mind this was when I was pretty well known but didn't have any official merch or anything like that."

"Yeah, I guess you've gotta have a real identity before you can license any of that," Dev pipes in.

"Exactly," the arachnid confirms, "which I can't reveal right now. So Tony licensed it on my behalf and put out a line of merch, which you guessed it, included boxer shorts. So he gifted me boxers on my next birthday covered in little Spider-Man faces. And then he was like, 'Oh yeah, I trademarked your likeness, by the way. You have a line of merch now.'"

"That's so extra," Alice gawks at him.

"It's extremely extra, and extremely Tony Stark. But yeah, those are my favorite underpants, and I still wear them sometimes when I need a little pep to my step."

The hosts laugh loudly.

"Pep in his step!" Dev echoes, chortling.

"But the important question," Alice giggles before staring the vigilante down, "Is do you wear them two days in a row like his dad?"

"Oh!" He awkwardly scratches the back of his neck. "Uh, well, no offense to your dad, but I generally don't do that. I'm a big fan of personal hygiene, James. I have extremely strong senses and things smell stronger to me than they do to most people. So I often shower a couple times a day and depending what I get into on any particular day I might even change my clothes. I'm not saying it doesn't happen."

"Say whaaaat," Dev needles.

"Yeah, I mean if I've pulled an all nighter in the lab, or like if I'm on a stakeout all night and have to be somewhere immediately after and don't physically have the time to shower and change clothes, then I guess that counts. But it doesn't happen very often and I shower and change clothes at the next available opportunity."

"So you're saying that it's not being lazy, there just aren't enough hours in the day sometimes," Alice summarizes.

"Precisely," Spider-Man nods and gestures in her direction.

"Would you say you're the most hygienic superhero?" Dev laughingly inquires.

Spidey chuckles, "Well, I can't really answer that, can I? I haven't met every superhero. I can't make an assessment on such a small sample size."

"Spoken like a true scientist," Alice says with a grin.

"Of the ones you've met, then. Are any of them super smelly little animals? Would the general public be shocked to know some of their heroes have terrible BO?"

Spider-Man drops his head in helpless laughter. "You're trying to get me in more trouble, now." He points accusingly at Dev who tries to look innocently back. "I have to work with these people, I can't be telling people on radio that they have terrible BO!"

"Please note he is trying to evade the question!" Dev says to the camera.

"Bah," the hero says, brushing him off. "No, the deal was that the adorable young children would ask me questions and that I can't say no to them. Since you are neither adorable nor young-"

"Ouch!" Dev exclaims, wounded, as Alice cracks up laughing next to him.

"-I can say no to you all I like. I've already answered James's question."

Dev leans close to the microphone and speaks in a low voice, "Coward."

Spidey snorts and shakes his head. "All I'll say is that we all deal with high intensity situations in this line of business. We all sweat and come into contact with various strange substances, so at one time or another we are all smelly."

"That's a cop out!" The host complains.

Spidey shrugs, "But no less true."

"Next question!" Alice interrupts, trying to get them back on track.

"Hi, I'm Obie and I'm nine and I like going swimming with my family. My question for you is do you ever regret becoming Spider-Man?"

"Oh my goodness!" Alice exclaims in shock.

"What are they feeding these children?!" Spider-Man asks, incredulous. I was expecting questions from ten year olds to be, like, 'what's your favorite color', or, 'do you like punching bad guys', not over here giving me an existential crisis."

Dev howls with laughter.

"Man! Okay. Well. If I'm being honest with you, Obie, yes, sometimes I regret becoming Spider-Man."

"Are you for real?!" Dev asks the vigilante.

"Totally real. But not all the time! Look, I don't want to burst anyone's bubble about their heroes or anything. I'd love to be able to come on this show and tell everyone that I've never questioned my purpose in life or regretted anything, but I'm only human. I'm an enhanced human, but I'm human. Of course I have doubts. Of course I have regrets. And I absolutely live for helping people and doing the right thing, but sometimes when things get really hard the doubts and the regrets creep in."

Alice makes a wounded noise and Dev nods in understanding.

"In fact," the arachnid says, "I would challenge you to find any superhero, any one at all, who doesn't have those same doubts and regrets. I guarantee you won't be able to find one. The heart of the matter is that it's okay to have doubts and fears and regrets, but the important thing is what you do with it." He gestures decisively as he speaks, "You learn from the regrets, you work through the fears, and you overcome the doubts."

"That's some solid advice, " Dev remarks.

"Definitely," agrees Alice.

"Hi Spidey! It's Poppy Mae and I'm six years old."

"Oh she's adorable," Spidey coos, "Hi Poppy Mae!"

"I'm just wondering, when you're swinging around as Spider-Man and you have to pee, what do you do?"

The vigilante slaps the table in mirth and laughs hysterically, joined by the hosts.

"You know, now that she mentions it, how _do_ you pee when you're in the suit?" Dev questions with a giant grin.

"Believe it or not, that's actually the first time I've ever been asked that," Spider-Man admits.

"Really?" Alice asks.

Spidey nods and continues, "I actually feel a little bit cheated, because as you probably know, Tony Stark designed my current suit. I've made some modifications to it since then, but the basic design is still Tony Stark's. And in the Iron Man suit he has a filtration system where he can just go while he's in it and nobody would know, except, notably, that one birthday party where he did it and then told everyone. But you know who doesn't have a filtration system in their suit?"

"You?" Answers Alice.

"Me," he points at himself with a thumb. "And, the best part, there isn't even a fly. So I can't discreetly go for a quick pee somewhere."

"It's all one piece then?" Asks Dev, strangely fascinated.

"Yep, it's all one piece, except for the mask. So it all has to come down if I want to pee."

"So no quick wee in an alley for you, then?" Dev asks cheekily.

"Not without a public indecency charge!"

"So what do you do then? You have to go home to wee?" Alice prompts the hero.

"Well the first important step is to make sure you go before the suit goes on. Also useful advise before a road trip, incidentally."

Dev cracks up, hanging his head.

"Secondly, I don't actually have to go very often when I'm patrolling. Being Spidey works up a bit of a sweat usually, so you don't have to pee as much if you're sweating and dehydrated. But sometimes," he shrugs helplessly, "When you gotta go, you gotta go. That's actually where that infamous picture of me coming out of a portable toilet with toilet paper trailing after my shoe came from. I'll unfortunately never live that down. But, you know, it was either scar a homeless guy for life in an alley, use the Porta Potty, or swing all the way across town to go home. I had stuff to do, you know? I didn't have time to go home!"

"Well," Dev says as seriously as he can, "This has certainly been enlightening."

"Hi, it's Ian and I'm eight and I have a sister called Emmeline and she always gets me in trouble, and my question for you is, DUN DUN DUN!" The young boy eagerly shouts out, trying to create suspense. Spider-Man throws his head back in mirth, laughing loudly at being so caught off guard. The hosts join him laughing. "When was the last time you got told off and why?"

"Hmm," he hums in thought.

"Who could possibly get mad at Spider-Man?" Alice questions jokingly. "You're such a sweet cinnamon roll!"

"Oh, well thank you!" The hero bashfully replies. "But I can assure you I have many people in my life who would disagree with you there. Hmm, let's see, the last time I got told off. I guess that would probably be three days ago, shortly before I left New York to fly here to do this interview with you guys. I had had a bad patrol and took a bullet meant for a man getting mugged in an alley. I saw it as a necessary action to prevent loss of life and Tony later disagreed while he was digging the bullet out of my shoulder. He argued that there was probably a better way for us both to have come out of it with no harm, and there probably was, but things usually happen fast and there's not always a lot of time to analyze things like that. Often it's a split second gut reaction. Tony knows this, he's had to do the same thing, he's just a total dad now and he worries."

"Oh, so he's a total hypocrite then?" Dev asks with a small grin.

"He likes to call it, 'do as I say, not as I do.'" Spider-Man replies as his eye lenses flare in what is likely an eye roll.

"And I can even tell you when the next time I'll get told off, and that's as soon as I get back to New York and get told off for that story about how I stole the necklace. Never forget, children, you're never too old to get told off by your parents."

"That's very true," Alice agrees with a huge grin.

"Important life lesson, that," Dev nods.

Spider-Man laughs.

"Hi Spider-Man, my name is Noah and I am ten years old. What two people would you want to be stuck on a desert island with and why?"

"Ohh!" Dev crows, "You have rather famously been avoiding questions in every interview thus far where you have to choose between the Avengers. What are you gonna do now? You can't say no to Noah!"

Spider-Man's mask twitches in a grin, "I think you'll find that I don't have to. He said, 'people', not specifically heroes. And to that end, I would choose my two best friends in the world."

"No," Dev groans, "Foiled again!"

"Why them?" Alice asks curiously.

"Well, aside from the fact that they've always got my back even though they don't have super strength," he begins.

"Oh, how sweet!" She coos.

"They're also crazy smart. One would probably help me engineer something crazy with my watch or something that would send out an SOS signal to get us home, and the other would make sure we three stay alive because she alone possesses all the common sense in our relationship."

Dev snorts, "I thought you said you had heightened senses!"

Spidey shakes his head ruefully, "I said I had _Spidey_ sense, I didn't say anything about having _common_ sense!"

They laugh and the vigilante takes it with good humor.

"Hi Spider-Man, I'm Arabella. I'm nine years old and I secretly hide gummy bears under my bed so my mum won't find them. In your opinion, what is Iron Man's worst habit?"

"Oh man, Arabella out here with the hard hitting journalism! You're trying to get me in trouble, Arabella!" Spider-Man laughingly replies.

"C'mon, give us the low down on Iron Man," Dev wheedles.

"Yeah, does Iron Man secretly pick his nose or something? Leave his socks on the living room floor?" Alice contributes.

Spidey laughs lightly, "Hmm, well, he's pretty awesome. I'm not gonna say perfect, because nobody is perfect, even superheroes, but he definitely has some bad habits. I guess I would have to say his worst habit is probably something he would say is my worst habit, and that is that he tends to take on too much unnecessary responsibility and guilt. That kind of flaw can really haunt a person, speaking from experience."

"Ooh, that's deep, Spidey," Dev comments.

Spider-Man shrugs in reply. "A lot of people say Tony Stark doesn't care about anyone but himself and that there are no consequences for his actions. That he answers to nobody. I would argue that you don't really know Tony Stark. You know the media portrayal of him, the superficial veneer, I guess you could call it. It's true that he lives a privileged life. He has a lot of material possessions and money and doesn't answer to many people. But there is always at least one person he will have to answer to, and that is himself. There is a saying that you are your own worst critic and that is no less true for Tony as it is for anyone else."

"So Tony Stark is secretly a softie?" Alice asks coyly, trying to lighten the tone.

"Anyone who knows Tony, who actually, honestly knows Tony, would tell you yes. He cares deeply and with his whole heart. If things ever went bad while he was trying to save the day and someone got hurt, trust me, he has already beaten himself up about it, he has lost sleep over it, he has stayed up for two or three days straight coming up with twenty ways to fix that situation in future so it never happens again. Even when it's not actually his fault."

"Is he going to kill you for spilling all that on the radio?" Dev asks cheekily.

"Without a doubt. I'm in trouble." He abruptly straightens in his chair and his hand surges down to clutch at his hip. "Oh, God, I can feel my phone ringing. That's definitely him. He's probably listening to the show right now and heard all that."

"How confident are you about that?" Dev asks, amused.

"I'd bet everything in my bank account right now. Admittedly, that's not terribly much," he says, pulling out his phone. He makes a triumphant noise and turns the screen so the camera and the hosts can see the contact as 'Tony Stark', with a contact picture of Stark making a silly pose in a Tigger costume and pink sunglasses.

"Wow, that Spidey sense does it again!" Alice jokes.

"No, he's just terribly predictable." He declines the call. "Sorry Tony, I love you!"

"Hello, I'm Iris and I'm five years old. My daddy is so big and strong and he protects me from the monsters under my bed. Could you take my daddy in a fight?"

"Oh gosh," Spider-Man replies, sounding unsure.

"Yeah, Spider-Man, can you beat up Iris's dad?"

Alice clamps a hand over her mouth to hold in her laugh.

"Well," the arachnid begins awkwardly, "I wouldn't be able to say."

"Oh that's a cop out, Spidey," Dev scolds.

"No, no, hear me out. I wouldn't be able to say because Spider-Man only fights bad guys. And if your dad protects you like that, then he mustn't be a bad guy and I'd never have a reason to fight him. But," he holds up a finger to silence Dev's further protests, "Since your dad fights monsters, and I occasionally fight monsters, I'd say chances are good we'd at least be on par."

"It might end in a tie, is what you're saying," Alice summarizes.

"Right," he agrees.

"Let's hear another one," Dev prompts, grinning.

"Hi! I'm George, from Devon and I'm seven years old. I don't have very many friends. I was wondering if you have a lot of friends and how I can make friends like you."

Spider-Man makes a whining noise in his throat as though he has been punched directly in the gut.

He clears his throat, "This may surprise you to know, George, but I've never had a lot of friends."

"No way!" Dev exclaims in disbelief. "If even Spider-Man has no social life there's no hope for the rest of us."

The vigilante snorts and continues, "Spider-Man may be outgoing and friendly and cool, but civilian Spidey is nerdy and a bit shy. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but historically, being nerdy and shy is effectively social suicide. Kids can be mean if you're different."

"If that's not the truest statement I've ever heard," Alice commiserates.

Spidey nods. "Growing up, I think many of my classmates maybe felt a little intimidated by my intelligence and my good grades, and were probably a bit jealous as well. And while they were interested in Pixar movies and having sleepovers and riding their bikes together, I was dumpster diving for scrap and taking apart old VCRs to figure out how they worked. So I didn't relate well to people my own age. I did make a friend with a boy in elementary school, who was nerdy like me, and we've been best buds ever since. And then years later, in high school, I met my second best friend. She was also, technically, a nerd, since my whole high school was full of nerds, but she was the coolest person I'd ever met, and still is to this day. And that's saying something since I've met Tony Stark. So my point is, just be yourself and one day you'll find your soulmate or soulmates. It may not be tomorrow or even a year from now, but they'll be worth the wait. And if you don't believe me, Iron Man had to wait until college to meet War Machine, his best friend."

"Oh yeah, that's true," Alice says, recalling that fact from previous interviews Tony Stark had done.

"And above all that, George, remember that you've always got at least one friend." He squints his eye lenses softly at the camera, talking directly to the little boy.

"Me."

Alice coos at the touching moment and touches her hand to her heart.

"And we've got one more," says Dev quietly.

"Hi Spidey, I'm Thomas. I'm eight years old. My question is who is the biggest disappointment you've met in the superhero world?"

"See, this is the point where we'd be getting wrapped up if we dared to ask this question," Dev says with a laugh, twirling his finger in the air as though to indicate they should quickly conclude the interview.

"Spill the tea, Spidey" Alice gushes.

"Wow," Spider-Man says with a long pause, looking like he is thinking hard. "That's, uh, that's a tough one to answer."

"But you have to answer, since you don't hate children," Dev says with a giant grin.

"Right. That's true, I don't hate children, so I guess I'd have to say," he pauses again before saying with a grin in his voice, "Captain America."

"Oh my God, he actually answered that," Alice says in disbelief while Dev laughs hysterically.

"Yeah," he continues, his voice slightly exaggerated and obviously joking, "You know, when I met him he was going rogue about the accords, and you know how Spider-Man feels about criminals."

"Right," Alice nods encouragingly with a large grin on her face. "Criminals are bad."

"And he wasn't even that tough, I stole his shield no problem. Not to toot my own horn or anything," he rubs his knuckles against his chest. "And," he exclaims loudly, to the hosts' laughter, "He's really bad at Go Fish. I bet you could beat him at Go Fish, Thomas. You sound like you'd be someone who's good at Go Fish."

"He does, doesn't he?" Dev sputters out, trying to hold in his laughter.

Spidey nods sagely, mask twitching around his mouth.

"Phew!" Alice exclaims. "You made it! You answered every question!"

"Good news, everyone," Dev announces to the camera, "Spider-Man does not hate children!"

"We knew it, we had faith in you," Alice adds.

"Thank you! Yes, some of those were pretty tough. I think some of those kids have futures in journalism!" The vigilante jokes to their mutual laughter.

"Thanks so much for coming on, it was a pleasure meeting you," Dev concludes.

"Yes, thank you so much!" Alice says.

"Thanks for having me!"

* * *

Comments

**drowned_in_books**

Ahahahaha I live for Spidey throwing shade at the Avengers

**Beccatt**

Spidey telling that kid he'd be his friend

Me: ugly sobbing

**maxiesJAMAIS**

Hahaha Spiderman trying not to break it to iris that he'd totally flatten her dad

**JuSt_AnOth3r_N3rd**

I feel bad for that kids dad who spilled to the whole internet that he wears his underwear two days in a row

**miraculousdottedcat**

Spidey sticking up for Tony Stark made me so soft! Such a spider son!

**Dream_Keeper**

'do as I say not as I do' - every parent ever

**Stephano_The_Swords_Women**

I love how he acknowledges that he and his other male friend have zero common sense and that his female friend would be the one to keep them all alive

**catsvx**

You're never too old to be told off by your parents?! Way to crush my hopes and dreams for the future, Spidey

**Ch_fr_18**

Man, Spidey should be a motivational speaker. A bit sobering to hear that even he has fears and regrets

**ClaraLicht**

Anyone else sob when he told the story about stealing the necklace back for his mom? How can he make even petty theft so wholesome?!

**TotallyNotDeadpool**

Already knew he was a thief. Been stealing my heart since I first laid eyes on him ♥ ILY BABY BOY!

**Author's Note:**

> If you have read my other fics in this series you may notice I used the names of commenters as random users. If I have used your name and this bothers you, please let me know and I will happily change it.
> 
> If you liked my story, please consider dropping me a line to let me know you enjoyed yourself!


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